Its been a while since ive been able to blog and get my life off my chest. We had our sweet girl this past summer. Shes amazing. She keeps me on my toes and helps ground me. I was so stressed about 3 kids but its not as hard as I thought it would be. I remind myself daily that this too shall pass. There will come a day when my babies arent babies anymore. They wont run around calling my name. They wont need me anymore. I mean they'll always need me but I wont always have all the answers. They wont always tell me the sweet little things that are on their minds. Im sure i'll be wrestling even the smallest thoughts out of their mouths. I read an article recently labeled "3 Year olds are assholes" while the name sounds outrageous at first, after you read it you realize its all in good fun. I dont agree with anything in the article however. I know kids are hard. They break you and beat you up emotionally and mentally. But you know they also build you up. They may worsen an already stressful day but they also remind you to take a second and breathe. Tonight 1 and 2 were really pushing it. They took at hour to go to bed even though they were clearly exhausted. The woke up baby 3 twice. I was literally at my breaking point with tears in my eyes. I told 1 how upset i was and the look on his face was heartbreak. The guilt immediately consumed me. I feel more guilt some days than i do any other feelings. I say the wrong things, feel the wrong things, and hold onto the wrong things. I should be finding joy where i can instead of focusing on the short hour that I waste being angry. I hate it. I know tomorrow is a new day but today feels wasted. We recently started eating dinner all 5 of us at one table. It has drastically changed our evenings. We sit and we can talk to number 1 about his day. We can hear about school. Number 2 sits and serenades us while we eat some off the wall toddler favorite that we just had last week. These days wont last. These short hours will feel like a a brief second when i look back at them. Im challenging myself daily to breathe through the rough patches. I let myself cry just to relieve the tension that I have built up all day and let me tell you how much that can turn a day around. I may be doing this on my own emotionally but it is making me stronger and helping me to grasp these moments and enjoy them. No more wasted days, hours, or even minutes.
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