Season changes...

When things happen that remind me why i left in the first place it makes it harder and harder to convince myself to stay.  My children are amazing and deserve a solid foundation.  Not one marred by anger and frustration.  I just want to be happy when I come home.  I want to feel wanted and respected.  After almost 10 years its hard to walk away but sometimes things cant change without a drastic decision.  I cant just sit here and expect someone to make me feel better.  I need to be on the same level with someone.  I need to have someone who raises me up and builds their life with me not away from me or out of spite towards me.  I just want to be on my own and work towards my goals.  Im torn between leaving this life which allows me to finish school and have all the time I want with my kids or taking charge, getting a job and moving forward on my own.  I cant make a pros and cons list right now because Im so blinded by hurt and anger that it would be a rash decision.  Im thankful for my sweet kids.  Im thankful to have a house and people who love me.  Im just not thankful that I put myself in this situation again.   3 kids later it might just be time to go separate ways and not look back.  I cant be held back by my own comfort.  Life isnt about being comfortable.  Life is about living and being happy.  I only hope that one day my boys will be real gentlemen and my sweet daughter finds a man who builds her up by respecting her and being her biggest fan.  I want to drill into her head that she doesnt need to settle for anything less than that.