wake me up when September ends....

        Where do I start?  Well its been a few months since I have written anything and posted.  I have had a few paragraphs thrown together but none of them felt like complete thoughts worthy of posting for anyone to read.  It has proven to be another wild ride of school year.  I have my two boys in the same school which is a self transport, no lunch provided, get down and dirty while you play school.  The opportunity has been wonderful and the experience is one that my kids wont forget.  However, these things are added to my daily plate that is already teetering on an unsteady surface.  Our morning starts around 6:45 as i try to coax my boys out of bed and into their uniforms.  We get our backpacks ready and hunt down our breakfast.  We give hugs and say goodbye to whichever parent isn't doing the morning drive to drop off (I usually get to stay home to get sis ready and jake does the morning run).  The remaining parent packs lunches that will be brought with me when I clock in.  Then its time to get sis all dolled up and hunt down her backpack.  Thankfully she eats at school still but that doesn't stop her from opening up a pack of poptarts on a busy morning and taking a mouse sized bite and then setting them down to be forgotten.  She'll hop on the bus around 8:15 and then I'll either get myself ready and run errands or for a brief period of silence, jake and I will get to have an actual conversation that doesn't involve texting before he heads off to work. Sometimes there is nothing more enjoyable than a deep breath in the silence of your own home.   

    I am working part time again this year which has been a bit of a financial burden but it also allows me to play a more active role in my kids lives.  The lack of financial support from their father also plays into my stress level.  It would be great if I could rely on him for anything at this point but hes just not there yet.  His lack of responsibility has allowed me spend more time with my kids which is never a bad thing but I do feel for them when they are questioning why he isn't around as much anymore.  Our communication skills are nonexistent.  He is incapable of carrying on a civil conversation and that drags me down to his level more than I care to admit.  I don't understand how someone can be so wishy washy about being in their kids lives and it makes me want to rage.  I won't open that can of worms in this post or else i'll end up with a 10 page paper including sources and an index.  

     I have been in a relationship with my soulmate for 7 months now.  He has changed my world and the way i see it.  He is everything I have ever wanted in a partner.  I get mushy and glow a little when I think about him.  I am so spoiled emotionally!  I have never had someone actually care for me the way he does.  I cant of course forget to mention the love he has for my kids.  He shares the responsibility of them with me and I have never even asked him to.  He jumped into this life head first and has shown us unconditional love in a way we have never known.  Its amazing.  

My kids have made this adjustment fairly easily.  The boys have accepted jake as he is and love him completely.  It is the cutest thing!!  Scarlett however, is struggling to accept him as well as the boys.  She doesn't seem to realize that having two father figures is ok.  I am not sure if theses are things she is hearing from the other household or if its a genuine struggle in her own heart  I want her to be able to see how much jake has brought our family together and built it into everything I have ever hoped my family could be.  I always make this promise to myself that I am going to write more but life always seems to have a way of putting that by the wayside.  So here I am again telling myself that I need to take the time to write my thoughts down so that they don't take up as much room in my mind.